Suckage

Ok, ok, so I have been sucking at this weight loss thing for some months now. Between being unemployed, drepressed, and stressed the eff out, I have been doing awful! I haven't lost squat! Counting calories suck balls and its annoying. I guess my new strategy will be to eat small amounts and only when I am hungry. This is my biggest challenge, since I'm typically a grazer and a picker. Since I recently got a new job, some motivation is sneaking back. Partially because I'm not as depressed, and majorly because I can't fit into my "fat" jeans and its not going to be capris weather pertty soon AND my "fat" scrubs are getting too tight. Sad day! On the flip side, I am looking forward to fall and being able to wear hoodies and stuff. Winter, not so much, but fall, yes.

I actually went to the gym today... first time in months! It felt pretty good. I only did 30 min on the elliptical, but its better than no minutes AND I burned like 427 calories (according to the machine) in that 30 min. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself :) I was tearing it up! I've been thinking about taking up running, if my asthma would allow it. Runner's World has a program that looks pretty good. Would probably help me lose weight fast too... that would be SOOOOOO nice!! We'll see. Hopefully, I can do better so I won't be so embarrassed to post stuff on here and make myself look like the complete slacker that I am. ;)

Possessed Mirror

I know this sounds really weird, but that's ok. I think that the mirror at the gym is possessed. When I am at home I look in the mirror and I don't look THAT bad... I'm fat, but not FAT!! Unfortunately, when I look in the mirror at the gym I look like a beached whale. Its almost like the mirror belongs in a funhouse or something. I seriously think that mirrors should be like the one from Harry Potter where it shows you what you wanna see rather than the reality... Wouldn't that be nice?? I think so...

Update: I suck at cutting calories. The end.

Its finally going away!

I weight myself this morning and I was at 193.5! YAY!! So glad to see some fat disappear! :D

I am still struggling, just about everyday, with my food but I'm getting there. I'm actually rotating between the gym and doing Rockin' Body. For those that are unfamiliar with Rockin' Body, its kind of like dance aerobics. Shaun T., the same guy that does Insanity, is the instructor in this DVD set. I think its really fun and after about a week you can start to see sutble differences in your body because it builds muscle while burning calories. If you're interested then click here for more information about the set.

No pics, because I'm lazy. Plus pics make me look fat. ;)

Literally 2-3 Months Ago...

I have to gripe really quick... ok, here goes... Ahem, literally 2 or 3 months ago I could do the ab machine at the gym at 80lbs resistance and I had no problem going all the way down with the machine, but today I tried it and I failed! My FAT kept me from being able to bend over enough. Soooo frustrating! AND I'm still having trouble with the calories... mostly thanks to my parents for inviting me to go out to eat with them and my weakness. Ugh, MUST KEEP PUSHING!!

So Hard!

Have I ever said how hard it was to count calories?? Oh my gosh, it's freakin hard! I want food!! I don't mind the exercising as much as I do watching what I eat. Most of my favorite meals are like my whole day worth of calories. In my ideal world the stuff that tastes good like hot wings and ice cream would be healthy, but alas, no such luck.

I have discovered that I can actually tolerate some food that, in the past, I have turned my nose up at. For instance, brussel sprouts, I used to refuse to touch them. They smelled like farts and I wasn't into eating farts. My friend made them for dinner the other night and I decided to grow a pair and try them. To my surprise they weren't bad! I had to douse them in salt and pepper, but they were kinds reminiscent  of brocolli (which I like). I guess on my next venture to the grocery store I will buy some.

Another hard thing: cooking for one... I have a ton of healthy recipes from the Cooking Light website that I would love to try, but I don't try them often for the pure fact that I don't want to eat the same thing for like 5 days straight. So looks like a Smart Ones most of the time for me.... and LOTS of fruit!

The Beginning

I have recently decided, after reaching my highest weight ever, that I needed to seriously work on losing weight. I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I hate it!! All I want to do is be able to fit in my clothes without my fat hanging out all over the place!!

I have a bad habit of eating my emotions. If I'm stressed, I eat. If I am bored, I eat. If I am depressed, I eat. When these situations arise I find it ridiculously hard to control myself. If I try to deprive myself, it makes me want it more. Then, because I am weak, I give in. I am still looking for ways to reign myself in. The most successful method I have found so far is to keep myself SUPER DUPER busy!

I lost 50lbs after I graduated high school, and I looked and felt awesome! It took me 9 years to gain my weight back, but I have gained it all back, plus a few extra pounds. My lowest weight I remember being, as an adult, was 144lbs. I looked sexy, if I do say so myself! I miss it sooo much!

If I was to wear this jacket today, I would be super-snuggin in it

Another one...

One of my personal favorites. I like actually having one chin.

I am currently at 197lbs. Gross, I know. My goal weight is 135. I will be happy in the 140s, but 135 is my ultimate.

My plan so far is to use MyFitnessPal as a tool. I have a membership at a really good gym that I am also going to take advantage of. My favorite cardio exercise, so far, has been on an elliptical because I don't feel like I am dying while doing it... aka. it doesn't affect my asthma. I also enjoy weight training.. with machines... not free weights. I'm clumsy.

Just for the record and a comparasion I am going to post a current "before" picture. Sorry if it grosses you out; it does me too.